Season 3

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Right now when we’re releasing this episode we’re in the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic, and things are changing around us all the time. We recorded it a while ago before this all started, but we think you’ll still find a lot that’s relevant to what’s going on and how people are talking about it. We hope you’re safe and healthy, and that you enjoy our conversation with Julia.

We asked our friend and colleague Julia Burkstaller to join us as a subject matter expert to talk about how to get through tough conversations and situations that girls, and really all of us, get into with our friends, family, people at school and work, and social media communities about politics and other polarizing topics. Julia is the Advocacy and Development Manager at Girl Scouts and has a lot of expertise and experience in talking to people who have different views. She joined us to provide some tools to help get us through these situations with our relationships and mental health intact. We acknowledge that the topics and tools covered in this episode are really hard!

When we say that a topic is polarizing, we’re talking about things that tend to push people onto very separate sides with different beliefs and points of view. We know a lot of girls go through this, and it can be really stressful and bring up a lot of emotions. Julia helped us understand that a lot of times the main issue is that we’re dealing with a binary, or false dichotomy. What that means is sort of a fake choice, where you’re only offered two options when really there are many different opinions and ways of thinking about something, including a middle area where you understand and agree with parts of both sides. We’re here to tell you that there’s really no “right” side in these types of issues – it’s all about your lived experience, and the values and beliefs of your family and close community.

We talked with Julia about the idea of getting involved in the culture of outrage we often see on TV and online, which can contribute to keeping us separate and angry at each other. News outlets with biased reporting and negative social media comments can contribute to that outrage and stir things up in a way that can drain your energy and make you feel angry and anxious. Try to be aware of when this is happening, and find ways to stay positive and keep yourself out of those negative news spirals.

Getting all of your news and information about local, national, and world issues from celebrities and other public figures on social media can be a little dangerous – it’s important to find trusted sources to help you form your own opinions and know what you stand for. But you don’t have to know everything about everything, that would be overwhelming! Figure out which issues you feel strongly about and focus on those. Julia talks about not necessarily having to have a strong opinion about everything, but being open to listening to people’s stories and using empathy to come to conclusions.

Something else we talked about is how our opinions about these big topics and issues can be tied to our identity, which is what makes it so hard to not feel like we’re being attacked or feed into the outrage culture. But there are some things we can do to help us find connection and a little more peace instead of outrage and anger. Here are some tools we took away from our conversation:

• Empathy: This is feeling someone’s emotions, passion, or pain and recognizing their experience.
• Not dehumanizing another person: This means not bringing someone down from a human level, which can fuel hatred.
  Ask questions! Find out where the other person is coming from and have a dialogue.
• Doing an energy check: Are you in a good place to approach a hard conversation without negativity or picking a fight? Even just having a bad day can contribute to hurting a relationship when you’re having these polarizing conversations.
• Intent vs. impact: Recognizing that someone isn’t trying to hurt you, and focusing on what their intent was even though the impact was negative. You can even talk it out, letting them know how their words or actions made you feel, especially if you already have a good relationship with the person. “I know that’s not what you meant, but this is how it made me feel.”

Thanks for listening, and be safe out there! Stay tuned at the end for our segments Would You Rather and Girls Pick.

Here are a couple things Julia mentioned during the episode that you might want to check out:

https://www.girlscouts.org/en/raising-girls/leadership/life-skills/kids-and-civic-engagement.html

Podcast episode referenced: Hidden Brain (from NPR) – Screaming Into The Void

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In this episode we’re talking about hair. Now, before you jump to any conclusions about this topic and maybe skip this episode because you’re not into talking about hair, we’re not talking tips and tricks for teasing the perfect curls or how to get out of your house in the morning with the perfect hairstyle in less than 30 minutes; we’re talking about our hair journeys. How we feel about our hair, stereotypes that are out there for girls and women, and how our hair ties to our identity.

This is also our last episode with our co-host Shanna, who got a new job and is moving on to do other great things. We’re going to miss her a ton, but we wish her well!

We’ll be talking about our relationship with our hair. Shanna talks about how her hair routine is like a workout – it makes her feel good but is a lot of work and is kind of the boss of her, and Idelle shares her experience both as a girl and now as an adult navigating the world with short hair paired with her androgynous style.

We get into Shanna’s journey from perming and straightening her hair to letting it grow naturally. This is partly because she wants to try something new that’s better for her hair’s health in general, but it’s also to connect with her cultural identity as a black woman. Shanna shares that this isn’t always easy – there are barriers for African American girls and women, like being accepted at school or in their workplace and being seen as fitting into the dominant culture. She talks about experiences with societal pressures and microaggressions or times she’s been singled out in school, workplaces, and other communities, including people touching her hair in public without asking.

Idelle talks about having short hair for her whole life. She shares that she’s only herself when she has short hair, but it’s not always easy. Even though she loves having short hair and it’s such an important part of her identity, Idelle shares her experiences with being mis-gendered in bathrooms, feeling uncomfortable in certain spaces, and having to be conscious of how she’s presenting in those spaces in order to feel safe or just not be noticed. It’s not all negative – Idelle talks about the comfort she feels with her friends and family and in her workplace, and when she’s out in the gay community with other people who identify as LGBT and share some of the same life experiences.

It’s about identity, how you show up in different spaces, and how you’re allowed to show up. Shanna and Idelle both talk about the importance of finding the right stylist who makes them feel comfortable, powerful, and connected by helping them show up as their full selves in the world, as well as finding safe spaces and people who they feel solidarity with.

How do you feel about your hair? Maybe you feel some connections to Shanna or Idelle’s stories, or maybe your journey is totally different. Think about it!

Stay tuned at the end for our segments Girls Pick and Would You Rather 😊

Don’t forget to subscribe, rate us, and share with a friend! Want to connect? Reach out to our team at girltalk.girlscoutsrv.org/contact.

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This episode features Jessie Houlihan, who is the president of Stahl Construction in Minneapolis, MN. Jessie’s passion for workplace culture development, education, empowering women, civil rights and social action, and the environment have led her to build a career that ties together STEM, sustainability, and business to create strong communities and ultimately make the world a better place.

Hannah and Shanna had a great conversation with Jessie about her background, how she got to where she is today, and women in C-suite leadership roles and non-traditional careers like construction and building design.

We asked Jessie why girls should think about going into fields like construction, architecture, engineering, and the built environment, and how these careers contribute to making the world a better place. Her answer is inspiring! We need new voices and thinkers in these fields who are interested in things like balancing construction with sustainability, contributing to a regenerative environment, and bringing new perspectives and ideas to the table. These careers have the potential to make a unique impact, and are ready for women to step in and lead the way.

Jessie talks about designing buildings and cities that are made of durable materials that will last a long time and contribute positively to communities. Buildings that have healthy air quality, are built to be sustainable, and help the people who use them feel connected to nature. We’re healthier when we’re connected to the environment!

There are so many different education and career options to pursue that contribute to this work. From working at the ground level on the actual construction of buildings, to the architects and engineers who design them, to people like Jessie who manage all the moving parts it takes to plan and create a community and its buildings.

How can girls get into these fields right now? Start with things like researching, reaching out, and getting involved. Set up a job shadow with a professional in the field you’re interested in. Find out what city planners do and engage with them about their work. See if they can come to your school or Girl Scout troop to talk about engineering, architecture, trades, city planning, or sustainable building practices. Just ask! Try it out!

We hope you’ll get as much out of this conversation as we did, and as always, stay tuned at the end for Would You Rather and Girls Pick!

Don’t forget to subscribe, share with friends, and rate and review the show. Looking for ways to engage with our podcast team? Contact us!